Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
