the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
