He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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