So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
