this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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