i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
