end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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