I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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