God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
