i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
