Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
