I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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