what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
