So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
