i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
