I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
