No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize