i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
