whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
