in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
