we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
