ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
40s are totally the cure
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize