i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My ass is underappreciated
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
