I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
