i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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