your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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