Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
