whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I wear drunk well.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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