These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
