It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I need to calm my uterus...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
