a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
