I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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