i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Can I color on your dick again?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
