i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
