Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
