He asked to "fluff my boner.."
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
