remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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