i think i have two assholes
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
