Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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