Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
In other news, I just burned my penis
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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