Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
