You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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