So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
