I'm jealous of your bromance
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
