Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
