My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
No subtext here. People are naked.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize