Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize