When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
