Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
