you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize