I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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