im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
