making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
