But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
