bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
