Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
