he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
