So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
