Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
barbara walters just said penis...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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