She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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