its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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