I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
