And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
