I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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