Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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