You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize