it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just cropdusted the office
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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