Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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