He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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