So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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