I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
