She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
