My room smells like vodka and shame
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
