how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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