Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
