Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
