Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
