just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
