She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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