Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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