you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
