Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
