she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
