I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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