I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
