My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
