wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Randomize
