The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
