please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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