I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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