So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
